"Useful work phrases" joke

USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
I`m not being rude. You`re just insignificant.
I`m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m really quite busy.
Thank you. We`re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
The fact that no one understands you doesn`t mean you`re an artist
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t care.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
It`s a thankless job, but I`ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
No, my powers can only be used for good.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I`m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me
You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication
I`ll try being nicer if you`ll try being smarter.
I don`t work here. I`m a consultant.
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
My toys! My toys! I can`t do this job without my toys!
At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Someday, we`ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.