"Vacation Term Translation" joke

In case any of you are still thinking about picking a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising lingo...

Old world charm. ......... No bath

Tropical. ................ Rainy

Majestic setting. ........ A long way from town

Options galore. .......... Nothing is included in the itinerary

Secluded hideaway. ....... Impossible to find or get to

Pre-registered rooms. .... Already occupied

Explore on your own. ..... Pay for it yourself

No extra fees. ........... No extras

Nominal fee. ............. Outrageous charge

Standard.................. Sub-standard

Deluxe. .................. Standard

Superior. ................ One free shower cap

All the amenities. ....... Two free shower caps

Plush. ................... Top and bottom sheets

Gentle breezes. .......... Occasional Gale-force winds

Light and airy............ No air conditioning

Picturesque. ............. Theme park nearby

Open bar. ................ Free ice cubes