"Very bad private eye" joke

The Top Signs That You've Hired A Bad Private Eye

Considers reading "The Hardy Boys Mysteries" actually helpful reasearch.

He has a pet basset hound named "Flash" that acts as his trusty assistant.

His best disguise is wearing a hat.

Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.

Won't read any messages without his trusty decoder ring.

Dresses up like Jessica Fletcher from "Murder She Wrote" when he thinks he's caught the suspect.

Well, he's blind.