"WHEN A POLICEMAN SAYS...HE REALLY MEANS" joke

While on routine patrol... / I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed.
The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner / He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN-DON'T FEED THE PIGS!"
The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control. / It was raining.
I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner. / The dirt-bag let go with an "oink" when I walked by.
Knowing the suspect had a criminal history... / He puked on my uniform one night.
The information is of known credibility and has provided reliable information in the past. / I've got two theft cases hanging over my head.
While being arrested, this subject resisted being injured in the act. / He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirror sunglasses.
The motorist was cited for multiple traffic violations. / I wrote one citation for each swear word.
Upon announcing my title and purpose, I heard a voice from inside say, "Come in." / The rock music was so loud they wouldn't have heard Patton's army, so I kicked in the door.
The members of the press at the scene were offered every courtesy within departmental policies. / I sent them to a non-existent address which I called the "Command Post."
I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding. / She was a good looking blonde who owned a liquor store and who was free after my shift was over.
The Chief appeared at the scene and took command. / I sent him to the same address as the reporters.
Further interview of the witness was impossible due to conditions. / It was my bowling night.
The defendant asked the officer's advice on how to act before the judge at his arraignment. / I told him he didn't have the balls to call the judge the same name he called me.