"What store employees really mean.." joke

1. "Can I help you get a size?"
(Don't touch that, I just spent an hour folding it and I don't need your hands messing it up again.) 2. "Do you need help with anything?"
(Quick, my manager is coming around the corner and I need to look busy.) 3. "Welcome to (Store Name Here)"
(Good, another customer to mess up my entire store just to buy a pair of socks.) 4. "Have a nice day!"
(Now that you ruined mine.) 5. "Thank you for shopping at (Store Name Here)"
(Thanks for emptying your wallet with us!) 6. "Do you need a shopping cart to help you carry your items?"
(The more you can carry, the more you can buy!) 7. "I love your shirt! Where did you get it?"
(Your shirt is much nicer than the clothes we sell here. Why are you even shopping here?) 8. "Can I help you get something down?"
(I'll get a ladder and put it up for you since this other nice customer put in the absolute wrong place.) 9. "Don't worry about folding it, I can do it."
(You would just mess it up again if you folded it.) 10. "No, we don't have any more in the back."
(I just don't want to check.)