"Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats" joke

Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every
word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
Cats look silly on a leash.
When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and
lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in
the first place.
Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they
die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever
made since the day you were born.
A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort
you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember
where the can opener is.
Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead
mouse in your slippers.
When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat
next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or
they won't go at all.
Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy.
Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you.
Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only
thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or
bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain.
Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will
quietly sneak out the back door.