"Woman's translations" joke
The wife says: You wantThe wife means: You wantThe wife says: We needThe wife means: I wantThe wife says: It's your decisionThe wife means: The correct decision should be obviousThe wife says: Do what you wantThe wife means: You'll pay for this laterThe wife says: We need to talkThe wife means: I need to complainThe wife says: Sure... go aheadThe wife means: I don't want you toThe wife says: I'n not upsetThe wife means: Of course I'm upset you moronThe wife says: You're... so manlyThe wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lotThe wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lightsThe wife means: I have flabby thighs.The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenientThe wife means: I want a new house.The wife says: I want new curtains.The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper! The wife says: I need wedding shoes.The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.The wife says: Hang the picture thereThe wife means: No, I mean hang it there! The wife says: I heard a noiseThe wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.The wife says: Do you love me? The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.The wife says: How much do you love me? The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute.The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.The wife says: Am I fat? The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.The wife says: You have to learn to communicate.The wife means: Just agree with me.The wife says: Are you listening to me? The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]The wife says: YesThe wife means: NoThe wife says: NoThe wife means: NoThe wife says: MaybeThe wife means: NoThe wife says: I'm sorryThe wife means: You'll be sorryThe wife says: Do you like this recipe? The wife means: You better get used to itThe wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dishThe wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.The wife says: Was that the baby? The wife means: Get out of bed and walk himThe wife says: I'm not yelling! The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important! In answer to the question "What's wrong?"The wife says: The same old thing.The wife means: Nothing.The wife says: Nothing.The wife means: Everything.The wife says: Nothing, really.The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.The wife says: I don't want to talk about it.The wife means: I'm still building up steam.
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