"You Know You Have Had Too Much Coffee When" joke

*Juan Valdez names his donkey after you
*You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked
*You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
*You sleep with your eyes open
*You have to watch videos in fast-forward
*You lick your coffee pot clean
*Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
*The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
*You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
*You can jump-start your car without cables
*Your only sources of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"
*You don't sweat, you percolate
*You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug
*You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee
*You've worn the finish off you coffee table
*The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you
*Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house
*You're so wired you pick up FM radio
*Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans"
*Instant coffee takes too long
*You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can
*You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar"
*Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position
*Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I. V. hookup