"You Know You're a Redneck When..." joke

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
3. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
4. You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.
5. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
6. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
9. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
10. Your grandmother has Ammo on her Christmas list.
11. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
12. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
13. You have used a rag for a gas cap.
14. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
15. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
16. You can spit without opening your mouth.
17. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
18. You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
19. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
20. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
21. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
22. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
23. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
24. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.
25. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher. ???
And last, but not least:
26. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.