"You Might Be A Scrooge If........" joke

Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin,
vodka and bourbon.
Your best Christmas tradition involves fire and reindeer meat.
Your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a
cheese log.
Your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael
Jackson.
You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers
away.
You get your Christmas tree from an empty lot, at night.... the day
after Christmas.
Your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by O. J. Simpson.