100 Jokes / Recent Jokes
ALWAYS GIVE 100% AT WORK:
- 12% Monday
- 23% Tuesday
- 40% Wednesday
- 20% Thursday
- 5% Friday
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his closest advisors: his doctor, his priest and his lawyer. "I know," he says, "They say' you can't take it with you. But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing $100, 000 and I would be grateful if at my funeral, you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something." They each agree to carry out his wish. Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, "Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, a the hospital we are desperate because of the cut backs in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we haven't be able to get a new one. So, more...
Theorem: 1$ = 10 cent
Proof:
We know that $1 = 100 cents
Divide both sides by 100
$ 1/100 = 100/100 cents
= gt; $ 1/100 = 1 cent
Take square root both side
= gt; squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent)
= gt; $ 1/10 = 1 cent
Multiply both side by 10
= gt; $1 = 10 cent
This guy goes over to his buddies house and knocks on the door, it opens and there stands his friends wife.' Is John home?' he asks. She replies' No I'm sorry he's gone out to run a few errands.'' Would you mind if I came in and waited for a few minutes?' She opens the door and he follows her down the hall and into the kitchen.' I can't help to notice how beautiful your breasts look in that robe. I will pay you $100 if I could just see one of them.' The woman thinks it over for a moment and figures why not, it is a $100. She opens her robe exposing one of her breasts as the man reaches for his wallet, pulls out a $100 bill and throws it on the table. Shortly there after while drinking his coffee he asks' Your breast was so beautiful, I've got to see them both at the same time, I will pay you another $100 if you will show me them both.' She once again thinks for a moment and decides, what the hell and opens her robe giving him a good long look. He then opens his wallet, grabs another more...
George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However, neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny’s mind quickly drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny rabbits. Upon realizing that they were lost, George declared, “Lenny - we are going to have to lose some altitude so we can figure out where we are. ”
George lets some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the clouds, but he still couldn’t tell where they were. Far below, they could see a man on the ground. George lowered the balloon, to ask the man their location.
When they were low enough, George called down to the man, “Hey, can you tell us where we are? ” The man on the ground yelledback, “You’re in a balloon, about 100 feet up in the air. ”
George Called down to the man, “You must be a lawyer. ” “Gee, George, ” Lenny replied, “How can you tell? ” George answered, “Because the advice he more...
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to' love, honor and obey' and' forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, more...
Always give 100% at work: 12% Mon. 23% Tues. 40% Wed. 20% Thurs. 5% Fri.