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ALWAYS GIVE 100% AT WORK: 12% Monday 23% Tuesday 40% Wednesday 20% Thursday 5% Friday

A girl named Martha is opening a new bar but can’t think of a good name.
So she starts a contest, whereby whoever can think of a good name gets 100 free drinks.
The winner was a fellow who suggested “Martha’s Legs”.
On the bar’s first day of business, he arrived an hour before the establishment opened, and sat down on the curb to wait.
A policeman noticed him and asked what he was doing on the street.
The man replied “I’m just sitting here wating for ‘Martha’s Legs’ to open so I can get 100 free drinks. ”

This is very upsetting for you guys. Research scientists at Guinness suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption after considering the results of a recent analysis, which had revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed eight pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100 percent of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this... What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? So what makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then... H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But... A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And.. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND look how far ass kissing will take you... A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 127% So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, more...

Mother (To Child): Wake Up! Wake Up! You Are Being Late!
Child: Mom I Do'nt Want To Go To School
Mother: But Why?
Child: I Saw A Dream
Mother: What Dream?
Child: I Was Running A 100 Metre Race!
Mother: So?
Child: I Am Tired

A lawyer was helping a poor old widow settle her husband’s estate. Upon completion of the job, he charged her $100. 00. She opened her purse, and took out one of the few remaining contents - a one hundred dollar bill. After he left the attorney discovered that the bill had another $100. 00 bill stuck to it.
Immediately, the lawyer was faced with an ethical dilemma - whether or not to tell his partner.

A lawyer, a priest and a teacher were at a funeral of a tribal chief. Before closing the coffin lid, the widow requested an offering of $100 from each to be laid in the casket, as the tradition demands.
The priest & the teacher both reluctantly laid their $100. The lawyer then wrote out a check for $300, deposited it in the coffin and collected the $200 cash.