50th Jokes / Recent Jokes

For their golden anniversary, a couple decides to repeat their honeymoon trip. They drive to the Poconos and find the same romantic lodge is still there. A vibrant young couple, clearly very much in love, is checking in when they arrive.The husband says, "I'll just nip around by their window and see what they are doing. We can maybe get some ideas to spice up our 50th year!"Sure enough, through a crack in the curtains he sees the young couple engaged in foreplay. They are naked, sitting on the floor some distance apart with their legs spread. The young man is shooting marbles, aiming to lodge them between her vertical lips; she is tossing doughnuts, aiming to ring them around his erect member. After a few minutes of this, they rush together and make mad tumultuous love like crazed weasels.The old man is quite excited by this idea, and makes his way back to his eagerly waiting wife. He describes the game, his wife getting more and more aroused herself. "Darling, this is more...

A couple are nearing their 50th wedding anniversary.
The husband calls his son in a distant city and tells him that they are getting a divorce.
"Don't do that!" shouts the son. "Do nothing until I get there."
The son then calls his sister in yet another city. She calls her father.
"Don't get a divorce!" she cries. "Do nothing until I get there."
The old father hangs up and says to mother, "Well, they didn't come for Pesach and they didn't come for Rosh Hashana, but I got them to come for our 50th anniversary."

A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband and says, "Honey, Do you remember this?"
He looks up at her and says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
She says, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember."
"Well, what was it?" she asks.
He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said, 'Ohhhhhhhhh Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big boobs and screw your brains out!'"
She giggles and says, "Yes honey, that's it. That's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"
Again he looks up at her and looks her up and down and replies, more...

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the
way home she notices a tear in his eye and asks whether he is getting
sentimental because they are celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your
father threatened me with a shotgun and said he would have me thrown in jail for
50 years if I did not marry you. Tomorrow I would have been a free man!"

With a man soon to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary at the church's marriage marathon, the minister asked Pete to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to maintain his marriage with the same woman all these years.
The husband replied to the audience, "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."
The minister inquired "Trips to where?"
"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."
The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Pete. Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary."
Pete: "I'm going back to go get her."

A man talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th wedding

Anniversary. The friend asked, "What did you do for your 25th?"

He said, "I took my wife to Hawaii."

The friend then asked, "What are you thinking about for your 50th?" He said, "Well I was thinking of bringing her back."

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"
"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.
"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took the misses to Tucson. For our 50th, I'm thinking about going down there again to pick her up."