Ability Jokes / Recent Jokes
Boucher`s Observation: He who blows his own horn always plays the music several octaves higher than originally written.
Bove`s Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
Boyle`s Laws: (1) The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination. (2) When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally. (3) The deficiency will never show itself during the dry runs. (4) Information travels more surely to those with a lessor need to know. (5) An original idea can never emerge from committee in the original. (6) When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly. (7) The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the paper clip of the overlying correspondence and go to file. (8) Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan. (9) Performance is directly affected by the more...
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.
"It's a very handy thing," God told the couple. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability."
Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to please,oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please..."
On and on he went like an excited little boy who had to pee.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would more...
Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to "get lost" in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).8. more...
Boucher's Observation: He who blows his own horn always plays the music several octaves higher than originally written.
Bove's Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
Boyle's Laws: (1) The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination. (2) When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally. (3) The deficiency will never show itself during the dry runs. (4) Information travels more surely to those with a lessor need to know. (5) An original idea can never emerge from committee in the original. (6) When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly. (7) The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the paper clip of the overlying correspondence and go to file. (8) Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan. (9) Performance is directly affected by the perversity of more...