Abort Jokes

IF POE WERE A TECHIE

Once upon a midnight dreary,
fingers cramped and vision bleary,
system manuals piled high
and wasted paper on the floor,
longing for the warmth of bed sheets,
still I sat there, doing spreadsheets.

Having reached the bottom line,
I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand,
I then invoked the "save" command
and waited for the disk to store,
only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering,
long I sat there wond'ring, fearing
while the disk kept churning,
turning yet to churn some more.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother!
Save my data from before!"

One thing did the phosphors answer
only this and nothing more, just,
"Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With my fingers pale and trembling,
slowly toward the keyboard bending,
longing for a happy ending,
hoping all more...

Thou shalt not worry about bugs.
Bugs in your software are actually special features.
Thou shalt not fix abort conditions.
Your user has a better chance of winning state lottery than getting the same abort again.
Thou shalt not handle errors.
Error handing was meant for error prone people, neither you or your users are error prone.
Thou shalt not restrict users.
Don't do any editing, let the user input anything, anywhere, anytime. That is being very user friendly.
Thou shalt not optimize.
Your users are very thankful to get the information, they don't worry about speed and efficiency.
Thou shalt not provide help.
If your users can not figure out themselves how to use your software than they are too dumb to deserve the benefits of your software anyway.
Thou shalt not document.
Documentation only comes in handy for making future modifications. You made the software perfect the first time, it will never need more...

Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just,

Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must more...

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, still I sat there, doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command And waited for the disk to store, only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. "Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, more...