Computing Jokes

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer,
and at the appropriate point in the process, told him
that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured
he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his
wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his
password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that
he was keying in
"penis"
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer
replied:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH

Bill Gates compares the computer industry with General Motors
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall more...

A retired sailor purchased a computer and began to learn all about computing. Being a sailor, he was used to addressing his ships as "She" or "Her". But was unsure what was proper for computers. To solve his dilemma, he set up two groups of computer experts: one group was male, and the other group was female. The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as "HE" because: 1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem.4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model. 5. Size does matter.The group of men reported that computers should be referred to as "SHE" because: 1. No one but the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to more...

Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?"I know," said the Branch Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.""No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, more...