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APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENCE ________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________ POSTCODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than more...

Clinton, distraught and contemplating his latest scandal was walking through Washington looking for any kind of guidance.

He walks up to the Washington Monument, looks up and says,' George, you were always wise, what should I do?'

Low and behold, a voice comes down from above and says,' ABOLISH THE I.R.S. AND START OVER.' Clinton, amazed that he is talking to the past President thinks he'll try it again.

He walks over to the Jefferson Memorial and utters the same request.' Thomas, you never had these kind of problems, what can I do to rally people behind me?'

Again a voice from above answers,' WELFARE, ITS NOT WORKING, ABOLISH IT, START OVER.'

After hearing this Clinton is so excited he is planning to go to all the historic sites for guidance. Next he goes to the Lincoln Memorial.' Abe, I need your help, people are losing confidence in me and they no longer trust me what should I do?'

After a substantial pause Abe more...

What They Say What It Means ============= ============= spacious hole in the wall to anyone living in their car that's why we're charging $200 above the going rate easy access to Particularly in Mountain View and Sunnyvale, this transportation can mean: (a) in the flight path of Moffet Field (b) next to the railroad tracks (c) next to a major road/freeway/highway (d) a&b, b&c, a&c above (e) all of the above friendly staff Doberman pincher mentality free utilities That's the only way we can entice people in this dump. Would you pay THIS rent AND the water & garbage? heated pool only when the sun's out only when there's water in it great views reach out and touch your neighbor! overlooking the garbage dumpster overlooking the pool overlooking the cute guys/gals apartment affordable to: (a) anyone with an income of $100 K (b) anyone with wealthy parents (c) anyone who is wealthy (d) anyone who wants to spend $$$ on housing pets welcome kids aren't we just never got the odor out AEK All more...

I wrote a few children's books... Not on purpose.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

I installed a skylight in my apartment.... The people who live above me are furious!

All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store... With a pricing gun... She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

While I was gone, somebody rearranged all the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in *exactly* the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."

Doing more...

Visitors: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. Extra points if you can gently grab their hands. They love that.

Licking: Always take a big drink immediately before licking humans. They prefer clean tongues. During the human’s dinner time, when you are in the same room is the best time to give yourself a full body bath. The louder you are the cleaner they think you are.

Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed…. Everywhere. It is your duty as the family dog to accommodate them and anyone that you meet. Crotch sniffing will always get their attention.

Holes: If digging is a must do not dig one big hole (to noticeable). Rather, dig many smaller ones all over the yard as they will blend in and may not get noticed. Dogs with human gardeners are required to give their human a paw and help dig up anything growing in their garden.

Housebreaking: This is very more...

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?""Head up," said the doctor."Blindfold or no blindfold?""No blindfold."So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor`s neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn`t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine."Head up or head down?" said the executioner."Head up.""Blindfold or no blindfold?""No blindfold."So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the chemist`s more...

In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "THINK!"The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read -- "THOAP!"