Abraham Jokes / Recent Jokes

Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else!

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. "Well, Morrie, how's your warehouse business going?". "Oy vey, Abraham, it's not going so good, we had a flood last week." "So, Morrie," whispers Abraham "How do you start a flood?".

What is the evidence that Abraham Lincoln was Jewish?
He had a beard.
His name was Abraham.
He was shot in the temple.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?
A: Ape Lincoln!
Q: Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?
A: He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
Q: What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?
A: Babe Lincoln!
Q: Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?
A: After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
Teacher: "John, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?"
Student: "No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!"
Q: Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?
A: To keep his head warm!
Q: WHat US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?
A: Abraham Stincoln!
Q: Why was Abraham Lincoln barn in a log cabin?
A: Because it was too cold to be born outside!
Q: Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?
A: They're both on the (s)cent!
Q: Why did they call more...

What is the evidence that Abraham Lincoln was Jewish? He had a beard. His name was Abraham. He was shot in the temple.

RABRI DEVI DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN (DON'T LAUGH). AS SHE STOOD IN FRONT OF YAMRAJ, SHE SAW A HUGE WALL OF CLOCK BEHIND.
SHE ASKED, WHAT ARE ALL THOSE CLOCKS?
YAMRAJ ANSWERED, THOSE ARE LIE CLOCKS. EVERYONE ON EARTH HAS A LIECLOCK. EVERY TIME YOU LIE, THE HANDS ON YOUR CLOCK WILL MOVE.
OH, SAID RABRI, WHO'S CLOCK IS THAT?
THAT'S GOUTAM BUDDHA'S. THE HANDS HAVE NEVER MOVED INDICATING THAT HE NEVER TOLD A LIE.
AND WHOSE CLOCK IS THAT?
THAT'S ABRAHAM LINCON'S CLOCK. THE HANDS HAVE ONLY MOVED TWICE, TELLING US THAT ABRAHAM ONLY TOLD TWO LIES IN HIS INTIRE LIFE.
RABRI ASKED, WHERE'S MY LALOO'S CLOCK?
LALOO'S CLOCK IS IN MY OFFICE, REPLIED YAMRAJ, I AM USING IT AS A CEILING FAN.

This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers.
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants
have to live elsewhere.
2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first
book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an
apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my
brother's son?"
3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He
died before he ever reached Canada.
4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them
we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
female moth.
6. more...