Accidentally Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes, mind if I ask how you got yours? Other guy: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the hugest tits in the world was there. So, instead of saying' I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh', I accidentally said' I'd like a Picket to Tittsburgh.' And then she socked me one." First guy: "Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife:' Please pour me a bowl of Wheaties.' But I accidentally said:'You ruined my life you fuckin' bitch!'"

- He calls you at two in the morning "just to talk."- Instead of rubber surgical gloves he wears oven mitts.- He keeps accidentally referring to himself as "the defendant."- He thinks Eastern Medicine was developed in Long Island.- He keeps accidentally referring to your legs as "drumsticks."- His examination room is Room 201 at the No-Tell Motel.- He introduces you to his anesthesiologist, "Doctor Jim Beam."- Before surgery, he asks if you want this "to go."- He tries to color your X-rays with crayons.

A most attractive redhead, window-shopping on Fifth Avenue, became aware of a well-dressed gentleman following her at a short distance. Somewhat flustered, she accidentally dropped her handbag and he immediately retrieved it for her.
"I dropped that bag accidentally," she said. "I want you to understand that I am not the type of girl you can pick up."
The gentleman smiled and said, "Madam, I am most assuredly not picking you up. I am picking you out."

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie (ie. a Newfoundlander). He went to a neurosurgeon and asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?"
"Sure, it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."
The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic.
As soon as the patient was conscious, the nurosurgeon said to him - "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."
The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie (ie. a Newfoundlander). He went to a neurosurgeon and asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?""Sure, it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic.As soon as the patient was conscious, the nurosurgeon said to him - "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"

A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

A guy with a black eye boards his plane and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him,
"Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'... So she socked me a good one.
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table this morning and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.'
But I accidentally said,
'You ruined my life you evil fat slag.'"