Accountant Jokes / Recent Jokes

Whats an accountants idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

There was once an accounting firm where the senior CPA knew every thing there was to know about accounting. He could answer any question. He knew all the tax laws: There wasn't a better accountant anywhere.

Every morning when he came to work, he would unlock his desk drawer, open it up and look inside for a minute, and then close and lock it again.

This puzzled all of his co-workers, because it was the only eccentricity that this person exhibited. They tried many times to look over his shoulder, or get into his desk when he wasn't there, without success.

One day when the elderly man was sitting at his desk, going over an account, he suffered a heart attack and died. This upset everyone tremendously. However, now that he was gone, the other members of the firm could finally see what was in the drawer.

After obtaining the keys, they unlocked the desk drawer and cautiously peeked inside. They found one sheet of paper, and written in large more...

An accountant is in a car travelling with a farmer client around his farm. They pass a large mob of sheep and the farmer says, "Youre pretty good with numbers, Keith. How many sheep do you reckon are in that paddock?"The accountant looks at the sheep for a moment and says, "One thousand, eight hundred and thirty two."The farmer is amazed. "Exactly right", he says. "How did you work that out so fast?""Easy," says the accountant "I counted the number of feet and divided by 4."

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didnt your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"The businessman replies, "Thats the accountant were looking for."

Accountant Math
An accountant decided to leave his wife one day.
He left her a note saying:
"Dear Jane, I am 54 years old and I have never done anything wild. So I'm leaving you for an 18 year old blonde model. We'll be staying at the Sheraton."
He then packed his things and went there. When he arrived at the Sheraton, there was a message for him from his wife. It read:
"Dear John. I too am 54 years old. I have followed your example and am staying at the Hyatt with an 18 year old Italian hunk. And I'm sure that you, as an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!"

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet.The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.The shepherd says, "Okay, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away."Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees."You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd."Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?""Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."

Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.