Accountant Jokes / Recent Jokes

An accountant was having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem! I make a mistake and spend 3 hours trying to find it."

How do you know accountants have no imagination? They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers.

There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation. One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself."Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, weve never once had an accountant make it this far and were not really sure what to do with you.""No problem, just let me in." said the accountant. "Well, Id like to, but I have higher orders. What were going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in. " "Actually, I think Ive made up my mind... I prefer to stay in Heaven" "Sorry, we have rules..."And more...

A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, "Tell you what, Ill bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock."The farmer thinks for a moment, it is a big mob and he cant see how anyone could guess correctly so he says, "OK. Youre on.""Nine hundred and thirty two," says the man. The farmer takes off his hat and scratches his head. "I dont know how you did it but thats exactly right. A bets a bet. Take any sheep."The man picks up an animal and is about to walk off when the farmer says, "Hang on. Bet you double or nothing that I can guess your occupation."The man thinks, "How would he know, hes never met me before" and says "Righto. Youre on". The farmer says, "Youre an auditor with a Big Four firm."The man whistles. "How the heck did you know that?""Well," more...

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two."
The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3. 999 and 4. 001.
The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Comm. of Stamp Duties, two and two was proven to be four.
The last applicant was an accountant. The businessman asked him, "How much is two and two?"
The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:"Hes such a sensitive child. Lets wait until hes older before we tell him youre an accountant."

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a highly agitated, arrogant little man who ran a small business that he had started from scratch.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"How's that?" the would be accountant asked.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much will my position pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty five thousand," responded the owner decisively.
"Eighty five thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry. Now get to fuckin' more...