Accountant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, "Didn`t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?"
The businessman replies, "That`s the accountant we`re looking for."

A man who had been called to testify at the IRS, called his accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear the shabbiest clothing you have," advised the accountant. "Let them think you're a pauper."
He then approached his lawyer with the same question.
"Don't allow them to intimidate you," advised his lawyer. "Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused by the conflicting advice, he went to his priest, explained the situation and asked for his thoughts.
"I'll tell you a little story," the priest said. "A woman who was about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. Her mother told her to wear a long, heavy, flannel nightgown that goes right up to her neck. Then she asked her best friend and received conflicting advice. Her friend said to wear her sexiest negligee, with a v-neck cut right down to her navel."
"Excuse me, Father, but what does all this have to do with my more...

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and so he decides to go to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can`t get to sleep at night," complains the man.
"Have you tried counting sheep?" inquired the doctor.
The accountant replied, "That`s the problem, Doc. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it!"

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over. It`s a big flock, so he takes the bet.
The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.
The shepherd says, "Okay, I`m a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees.
"You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd.
"Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell more...

Why accountants dont read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:
Dear Wife (that's what he called her):
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: Dear Husband (that's what she called him):
I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy.
You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who cant.