Accountants Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two accountants were discussing a colleague's interest in one of the firm's new secretaries. "I just don't get it." said one. "She's an airhead -- nothing going on upstairs."That may be true," replied the other, "but I don't think that's the floor he's getting off on."

Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind? A: None-just assume its changed.

"There are many reasons why the United States finds itself playing second fiddle to Japan today in so many high-technology areas where American pre-eminence was once unquestioned. Some of the reasons are complex, but one can be put in a statistical nutshell: Out of every 10, 000 Americans, 20 are lawyers, 40 are accountants, and 70 are engineers. Out of every 10, 000 Japanese, one is a lawyer, three are accountants -- and 400 are engineers." July's Optical Spectrum

Three engineers and threeaccountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountantseach buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see,"answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seatsbut all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train hasdeparted, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom doorand says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emergeswith a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy theengineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). Whenthey get to the station they more...

Q: What is the definition of an accountant?
A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn’t know you had, in a way you don’t understand.
Q: What does an accountant do for birth control?
A. He talks about his business.
Q: What is an extroverted accountant?
A: One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
Q: What is an insolvency practitioner?
A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
There are just three types of accountants:
Those who can count and those who can’t.
Q: Why did the auditor cross the road?
A: Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
A: Depreciation.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and an more...