Accounts Jokes / Recent Jokes

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?!
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...
With a Little Help from Our Friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting to please come out and give himself up...
And What Was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...
And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children?!!
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer more...

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?!
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...With a Little Help from Our Friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting to please come out and give himself up...And What Was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children?!!
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a more...

Men are like bank accounts, without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

A Sardar walked into a household appliances store. The owner was busy tallying his accounts and his eyes were glued to his ledgers. The Sardar asked the owner "I want that VCR." Without taking the eyes off the ledgers, the owner replied, "No, Sardar, that is not for you."
Our Sardar felt insulted. He thought that the shopkeeper was biased against Sardars. Next day, he arrived at the shop clean shaven and without his headgear. He asked for the same VCR. The owner, who was again busy tallying his accounts replied without raising his head, "No, Sardar, that is not for you."
The Sardar was perplexed. How could the shopkeeper guess correctly that he was a Sardar? So, the next day, the Sardar went to the same shop disguised as a woman, in churidar and pyjama, head covered with dupatta, and asked for the same VCR. The shopkeeper again replied without raising his head - "No, Sardar, that is not for you!"
Puzzled, the Sardar asked the more...

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they dont generate much interest.

So, you've requested a day off. Let's just take a moment to look at what you're asking for.
There are 365 days each year available for work
There are 52 weeks each year, of which you already have two days off per week
Leaving 261 days available for work.
Since you spend 16 hours per day away from work
That accounts for 170 days
Leaving 91 days available for work.
You spend 30 minutes per day on breaks
Which accounts for 23 days per year
Leaving 68 days available for work.
You spend 1 hour each day for lunch
That accounts for an additional 46 days per year
Leaving 22 days available for work.
Normally you spend 2 days per year on sick leave
Leaving 20 days available for work.
Taking into account the 9 holidays per year
This leaves 11 days available for work.
You are given 10 days for vacation each year
Leaving 1 day available for work and there's no way in hell you are going to take that day off!

Why don't mexicans have checking accounts? It's too hard to spray paint your name on the little line.