Make Jokes

A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you more...

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

A
guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
it with the owner.
"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain. In
fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
ecstatic (being a Harley more...

Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do.

City of New York, Borough of Bronx
High School Math Proficiency Exam
Name:____________________ Gang:_________________
1. Darnel has an AK-47 with a 40-round clip. If he shoots 13 times during each drive-by shooting and misses 6 out of 10 shots, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine, and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Little Mikey for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of cocaine if he does not cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?
4. Dino wants to cut his half-pound of heroin to make a 20% profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMWs and 3 4x4s, how many Chevys will he have to steal to make $800?
6. Raoul is in prison for 6 more...