Always Jokes

Submitted by Darcy

Twice a week a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border and he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.

Each time the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.

Sometimes they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.

They racked their brains but never found anything untoward.

It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene, that they learned the truth.

He had been smuggling bicycles.

Sven and Olie died and went to Hell. After awhile, the Devil came by to see how his new guests were doing. To his amazement, he found Sven and Olie were still wearing their winter gear and seemed to be quite comfortable. The Devil asked why they weren't hot.
Olie replied, "We come from Minnesota where it's always cold. This is feeling pretty good to us." This upset the Devil, so he turned up the thermostat. Awhile later the Devil looked in again on Sven and Olie. To his surprise he found they were still wearing their winter gear. The Devil questioned them on it again. "You have to remember that we are from Minnesota and it's very, very cold there. This is feeling nice to us."
The Devil was even madder at this, so he turned the thermostat all the way up to maximum temperature. The Devil waited some time and then went back to Sven and Olie. This time he found they had only unzipped their coats, but still had all their winter clothes on. The Devil couldn't more...

TEACHER: Why are you late?
BALGOBIN: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
BALGOBIN: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
BALGOBIN: You told me to do it without using tables!
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-TEACHER: Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
BALGOBIN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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-TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN: "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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-TEACHER: Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.
BALGOBIN: Here it is!
TEACHER: more...

"Mummy, mummy, why do fairy tales always start with 'Once upon a time'?"
"They don't always, little one... Your dad begins his with:
"'... I got caught up in the office. You wont beleive what happened...'!"

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so more...