Across Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the youngest got the bottom floor. A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh. The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the noise they'd heard last night was. He replied, "Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl." The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his girlfriend the next night. During that night, the two other brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh. The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last night was. He replied, "Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl." Now, the youngest brother was really more...

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed them, and started growling and generally getting really mean. The bear started to chase one of the guys, who, as it turns out, was from Czechoslovakia. The bear soon caught up with him, and ate him alive. The other guy turned around and ran for his life. A little while later, the second guy found a park ranger station and told his story. The ranger took his gun, and they both went out in search of the bear, in order to destroy it. Soon, they came across two bears, one male, and one female. The ranger turned to the other guy and said: "Quick... tell me which bear ate your friend!" The ranger levelled his gun and got ready to shoot." I'm not really sure," said the other guy, "they both look similar." "QUICK! Make up your mind!" said the ranger." O. K.," said the other, "it was the male." The ranger promptly aimed and shot more...

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared,' Who is the king of the jungle?'and the deer replied,' Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared,' Who is the king of the jungle?' and the zebra replied,' Oh, you are, Master.' The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant.' Who is the king of the jungle?' he roared. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said,' Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.'

Three men, two brunettes and a blond, are being chased by a tiger through the jungle. They get to a river and have two choices: 1. Get across the river without being eaten by pirannhas or 2. Get eaten by the tiger.
They spot a genie and the genie says I can grant you one wish..
The first blond man thinks "I wish I can get across safely." He swims across and makes it without a scratch.
The second blond man says "I want to be even smarter than the first man." He climbed onto a raft and paddled across.
The brunette thinks "I want to be the smartest of them all". Instantly, he turned into a woman, and she walked across a nearby bridge.

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said, "Stay here and be VERY QUIET. I'll be across the field."
A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and he ran back to his son asking "What's wrong? I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said' Should we eat them here or take them with us?' I panicked!!

NT Chicken:
Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.
OS/2 Chicken:
It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet
that nobody noticed.
Win 95 Chicken:
You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook
it and it still tastes like... chicken.
Microsoft Chicken (TM):
It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
OOP Chicken:
It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
Assembler Chicken:
First it builds the road...
C Chicken:
It crosses the road without looking both ways.
C++ Chicken:
The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer
to him on the other side.
VB Chicken:
USHighways! TheRoad.cross (aChicken)
Delphi Chicken:
The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
Java Chicken:
If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will
download one to the other more...

It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she'd take no nonsense from the kiddies this year.

While taking the roll, she was told by one boy "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer".

So she said "There'll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; tell me your REAL name!".

The kid said "No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall to fourth grade and ask my brother if you
don't believe me!" Not wanting to be subjected to that kind of thing, the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the fourth grade classroom door.

The fourth grade teacher had stepped down the hall to the front office for a moment, so she entered the room and directly asked the class "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?"

"Hell no!"replied a little kid from the front row, "We don't even get a cookie break!"