Across Jokes / Recent Jokes

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press the doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small, and the doorbell is placed at normal adult height, and the little fellow just can't reach. After watching the boy's sorry efforts for some time as he moves closer to the boy's position, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing one hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over the boy and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the urchin replies, "Now we run like Hell!"

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it often turned out that they had had a hand in it.

Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.

The father replied:' Sure, do that before I kill them!'

The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, and said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.

The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his gnarled and boney forefinger at the boy and asked:' Where is God?'

The 8 year old boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said more...

How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married? LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love." LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing." MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about? LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have. LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot. MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.LOVE - When you share everything you own. LUST - When you steal everything they own. MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax. LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax. MARRIAGE - What's a climax? LOVE - When you write poems about your partner. LUST - When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings. LUST - When you more...

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight. ” The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, “Gimme another one. ” The bartender pours the drink, but says, “Now, before I give you this, why don’t you let off a little steam and tell me why you’re so upset? ”
So, the man begins his tale. “Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, “Wow, this has never happened before. ” You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I’d like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn’t believe this was happening, and I hadn’t had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my head more...

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy droppeda rock, another dropped a brick, and the last droppeda grenade. When they got back on the ground they were walkingdown the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she wascrying she said "A rock fell from the sky, landed on mycat and now my cat is dead." The men said they were verysorry to here that and walked away. The next house they came across a little further downthe road there was another woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they walk up to her and asked her whyshe was crying she said "A brick fell from the sky, land-ed on my dog, and now my dog is dead." The men said they were very sorry to hear that and walked away. The next house they came across a little furtherdown the road there was a man laughing his head off. Wondering what was so funny they went up to ask him. After they asked him he replied, "I bent over to get the news paper this more...

The orthopaedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, and had fastened the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn't considered the drive across town.
At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, man," he said, "but I think it's too late!"