Actors Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to stand on a chair and change it and one to say "I wish I was up there !"

A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to the doctor, "Doc, do me a favor. Tell me what color the baby is as it's being born." The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this. "Why don't you know what color the child is going to be?" "Well", says the woman, "The problem is that I'm a porno actress and the child was conceived during the making of a film. I have no idea who the father is." "OK", says the doctor, "I'll do it for you but it is most unusual." The baby begins to be born and the doctor says, "Here comes the head, it seems to have yellow skin and the eyes are slanted. Was one of the actors Chinese?" "Yes, doctor he was.", says the woman. "Wait", says the doctor," The chest and arms are out and they seem to be very dark. Was one of the actors black?" "Yes, doctor he was." "Wait, now the legs are out and they're brown. Was one of more...

Q: How many Daleks does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1, 500, 000: To conquer a race than can climb ladders for them.

Q: How many people of the anti-matter Universe does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Minus 2. -1 to change the bulb, -1 to have a fight with Captain Kirk.

Q: How many Minbari does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
A: None. They never finish the job and they refuse to tell you why.

Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to stand on a chair and change it and one to say "I wish I was up there! "

Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A finite number F. One to change it and F-1 to act more...

The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!

The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?

Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.

There are really only two possible more...

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one-they don't like to share the spotlight.

Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I couldve done that."

Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign
September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA
In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a more...