Advice Jokes / Recent Jokes

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.
His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.
Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.
"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"
The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her."
"Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."
Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front more...

He was Born April 21st, 1818. He didn't become Josh Billings 'til he was forty years old. Between then and his death in 1885, he produced a plethora of pithy aphorisms. Consider these:
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.
As a general rule, if you want to get at the truth - hear both sides and believe neither.
Solitude: A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.
As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.
When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.
One-half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not more...

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you`re out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this.""What's the problem?" the docotor inquired."Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.""My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor."It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking more...

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.
His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.
Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.
"Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"
The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her."
"Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."
Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front more...

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride.His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle.Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice."Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?"The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, "Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her.""Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help."Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived more...

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them areplaying like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, hesays, "No no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!""Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wifewith the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches herswing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife." Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, andTHUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway.. . about 15 ft. more...