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Good advice
Jeremy warned his son against marrying a `shiksa.`
The son replied, "But she`s converting to Judaism."
"It doesn`t matter," Jeremy said, "a shiksa will cause problems."
After the wedding, Jeremy called the son, who was in business with him, and asked him why he was not at work.
"It`s Shabbos," the son replied.
Jeremy was surprised and said, "But we always work on Saturday. It`s our busiest day."
"I won`t work anymore on Saturday," the son insisted, "because my wife wants us to go to shul on Shabbos."
"See," Jeremy said, "I told you marrying a shiksa would cause problems."

Luck always seems to be against the person who depends on it.

A husband leans over to his wife in a bar and says, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over 50 years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says. "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good, idea!" she says.

There's a man sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.

So he follows them behind the tavern. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly, they erupt into the most furious sex that the more...

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then Im against it." "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then Im for it." "This is my final position, and I will not compromise!"

Witty remarks, relating to a variety of different topics.
A collection of insults!
Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I'm very careful of how I express my more...

A federal judge ruled Tuesday that the U.S. government discriminates against blind people by printing paper money that cannot be distinguished by feel.
















He also ruled that paper money discriminates against stupid people by requiring them to count and against poor people by not magically appearing in their pockets.

Q: What do blonde's have against condoms? A: Their cheeks.