Against Jokes / Recent Jokes
Normal: It is against the law to make faces at dogs.(Dumb Laws - Illinois)
It is against the law for a monster to enter the corporate limits of Urbana, Illinois.(Dumb Laws - Illinois)
A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television: Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington. On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him. I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that. I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our more...
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern more...
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."
Immediately the husband drove downtown to accuse the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before the could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to myside of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head more...
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Wednesday, 22 October 1998
WASHINGTON -- The Justice Department today filed suit against Ford Motor Company, alleging that Ford's practice of' bundling' radios with its cars was a monopolistic restriction of trade, and an unfair competitive practice against makers of car radios such as Alpine and Pioneer.
'We feel that it is wrong for Ford to give away what other companies charge for,' said Joe Klein, head of the DOJ's antitrust division.' Furthermore, requiring that Ford dealers deliver cars to consumers with radios preinstalled restricts consumer choice.'
Justice demanded that Ford immediately cease shipping cars with radios, and that it provide current Ford owners with easy instructions for removing their existing radios. Klein also asked a judge to impose a $1,000,000 per day fine on Ford for each day it failed to comply.' Usually, antitrust fines are about $10,000 per day,' Klein said. Klein called the amount of the more...
Whether the cause is a previous night of drinking or a big lunch, the outcome is the same: Farts.
Seventy percent of the time, we can dispense freely. The other 30% of the time, such as at work, we have some tough decisions to make. This document is intended to help you in those decisions.
Holders - The obvious choice is just plain holding it in. A popular choice among the females and an almost impossible choice for males. I am not in favor of holding, as I believe the medical community has not done enough research about the long-term damage of holding. Really, where does it go if you hold it in? So be forewarned, using this tactic is to be done at your own risk.
Desk Jockey - When deciding to release right at your desk, one has many factors to consider:
- Do you have your own office? Feel free to fart at will risk free. After commencing, I highly recommend locking the door and feigning you are not in the office to avoid any unwanted visitors. I also highly more...