Age Jokes / Recent Jokes

A very old couple booked a honeymoon suite in a five-star hotel to celebrate their 50th marriage anniversary.

The bellboy while taking their luggage to the suite thinks to himself, "At this age they are booking a suite. What a waste."

After leaving them in their room with a very heavy tip he decides to spy on them. At night he sits in the lobby opposite their room. And what does he hear? Laughing and clapping sounds from their room. All night long he could not believe his ears. In the morning he apologized to the husband for having spied on them, but being very inquisitive he asks him how can he do what he did at this age.

The husband replied, "See it is this way. First I remove my clothes. Then I lie down on the bed face up. Then my wife removes her clothes.

Then the bellboy leans into the old man and says, "Then WHAT?"

The old husband smiles and says, "Then my wife lifts up my penis with one hand, more...

If you're feeling a bit stressed, try these to deal with it... Dance naked in front of your pets. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send them off to school as if nothing is wrong. (NOTE: this also works well with the hubby who stayed at the pub too long.)Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at once. (Always have a witness on hand, just in case you attempt the Guiness World Record)Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead. Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day. Find out what a frog in a blender "really" looks like. (Hamster in the microwave works well too.)Sit naked on a shelled hard boiled egg. ("Don't knock it until you try it!")Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages. Make up a language and ask people for directions. (Works great at 7-11's!)Replace the filling of a Twinkie with ketchup and place it back in the wrapper. (KIDS: make sure you make a nice more...

Father To His Son: “When Abraham Lincoln Was Of Your Age He Was Very Intelligent. ”
Son: “When Abraham Lincoln Was Of Your Age He Was The President Of The Usa. ”

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?
You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
You know more...

Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

Age and knowledge don't always come together. Sometimes you just get the age...

At age 4, success is.................. not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is.................. having friends.
At age 20, success is.................. having sex.
At age 35, success is.................. making money.
At age 70, success is.................. having sex.
At age 80, success is.................. having friends.
At age 90, success is.................. not peeing your pants.