Airplane Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dumb Alaska laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.
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In Fairbanks it is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
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While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
It is the state policy that emergencies are held to a minimum and are rarely found to exist.-Sec. 44. 62. 270. State policy.
Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
An airplane pilot dies at the controls. He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the newly arrived area. There are three doors, marked 1, 2, and 3. The devil tells the pilot that he is going to get to choose his own hell, but first, the devil has to take care of something first, and disappears. The curious pilot looks behind door number one. He sees a pilot going through flight checks for all eternity. He looks behind door number two, and he sees a pilot that forever finds himself trying to resolve emergency situations. He looks behind the last door, and sees a Captain being waited on hand and foot by scantily-clad stewardesses. The devil returns just as the pilot gets back to his waiting position. He offers the pilot a choice of door number one or two. The pilot says, "I wanted door number three!""Sorry," replies the devil, "thats flight attendants hell."
During the' rush hour' at Houston's Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem.Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. The passengers were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved to the new gate, only to find a third gate had been designated for them.After some further shuffling, everyone got on board, and as they were settling in, the flight attendant made the standard announcement,' We apologise for the inconvenience of this last-minute gate change. This flight is going to Washington, D.C. If your destination is not Washington, D.C., then you should' deplane' at this time.'A very confused-looking and red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags.' Sorry,' he said, wrong plane.'
An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to
have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”
My friend, an ex-Marine Aviator wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. I
was riding along as he put it through its paces. Suddenly, we were caught in a
violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around us. Next, we lost the radio and most of the instruments. As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, “Uh-oh!”Fearing the worst, I asked, “What's wrong now?”George replied, “I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me.”
It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in front. "What are my choices?" Moishe asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.
4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, more...