Aviation Jokes

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight
safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
are some real examples that have been heard or reported.
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your
lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going
to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but
please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if
you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a
lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. more...

A Pope, a boy scout, and the smartest guy in the world are on an airplane that is going down (because the pilot had a heart attack).
The boy scout says, "Well, there are only two parachutes aboard. Who is going to use them?""Since I am the smartest guy in the world I feel I need to use a parachute." So, he grabs a bag and jumps out."Looks like there is only one left, and since I have lived a full life you can use the other parachute." said the Pope."No. We can both live!" says the boy scout."How?" asked the Pope."The smartest guy in the world grabbed my backpack, not the parachute!"

Q. How can u tell when an Italian plane lands at the airport?
A. It's the one with the hair under its wings!

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!" Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"