Alan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.
Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"
Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."

Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."

(This happened about 15 years ago to my father-in-law, who worked at
the time for the anti-trust division of the justice department.)
The justice department was trying a case against a company in New
York, who had engaged the senior partner of the biggest law firm
there, Alan Dean, to defend them. My father-in-law represented
the Justice department.
There was a LOT of evidence and each side had their own idea about
how to refer to the exhibits. My father in law went by the school
of 1A, 1B, 1C, 2A, 2B etc, while Alan Dean went by A, AA, B, BB, BBB, C.
At one point, well into the trial, a piece of evidence for the
defense was labeled "PPPP." The judge was about half asleep
but this reference caught his attention.
Judge: Mr. Dean, what number was that exhibit?
Alan Dean: Pee pee pee pee your honour.
(the courtroom and judge giggles, every time pee pee pee pee is
mentioned)
Judge: (smirk) Mr. Dean, please more...

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?'
The Fairy Godmother replied: 'Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'
Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. 'I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.' Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned.
Cinderella said 'Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!' The Fairy Godmother replied 'It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?' Cinderella looked down at her more...

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?'The Fairy Godmother replied: 'Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish. 'I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.' Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned.Cinderella said 'Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!' The Fairy Godmother replied 'It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?' Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: more...

An avid church goer and NASCAR fan died and went to heaven. Upon entering, this person noticed pro driver Alan Kulwicki's race car, and asked St. Peter about it. St. Peter said Alan was in heaven and his car was on display.
Walking a little further, the man sees Davey Allison's car. Once again he inquired to St. Peter about it.
"Davey Allison is also in heaven. In fact, God's a BIG NASCAR fan, so when drivers die, their race cars get put on display."
Walking further, the individual came upon Jeff Gordon's #24 Chevrolet - the phenomenal kid who is breaking every record on the racing circuit. At this sight, the new heaven dweller panicked!
"Oh, No! St. Peter, Jeff Gordon was about to win the Championship this year, and you mean to tell me he has just died?!?"
"No, no," St. Peter chuckled, "That's God's car. He lets Jeff use it on weekends."