Alert Jokes / Recent Jokes
Actual writings on hospital charts by Doctors:
1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert butforgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes more...
Actual writings on hospital charts by Doctors:1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert butforgetful.8. The patient refused autopsy.9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.13. She is numb from her toes down.14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.15. The skin more...
IMPORTANT NOTICE
Police warn all male clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be more alert and cautious when accepting a drink offer from a women.
There is a date rape drug going around called "beer" and it appears in liquid form. The drug is being used by female sexual predators at parties to persuade male victims to have sex with them.
"Beer" is available virtually anywhere. All a women has to do is persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against such attacks.
After several "beers" men will often succumb to performing sex acts on horrific looking women who they would never normally be attracted to.
Men often wake up after having "beer" with only hazy memories of what happened to them the night before -- just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times more...
Doctor Bumblings Actual writings on hospital charts by Doctors:
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert butforgetful.
The patient refused autopsy.
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia more...
Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.
In response to the recent terror attacks in Spain, the French government have raised their terror alert status from? Run? to? Hide?.If attacks continue on the continent they may be forced to further increase the alert to? Surrender?, or even as high as? Collaborate?.