Allegiance Jokes / Recent Jokes
A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O.K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I can't. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!
If you've ever noticed, when Bart Simpson is writing something 100,000 times on the chalkboard as a punishment in the opening sequence of the Simpsons, he is always writing something different -- and often quite hilarious. These are the collected writings of Bart Simpson from the chalkboard exercises during the opening credits.
I will not carve gods.
I will not spank others.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an more...
Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Archive
I will not carve gods.
I will not spank others.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an answer.
Teacher is not a leper.
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
I will not call the principal "spud head".
Goldfish don't bounce.
Mud is not one of the 4 food more...
Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Archive I will not carve gods.I will not spank others.I will not aim for the head.I will not barf unless I'm sick.I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge. I will not conduct my own fire drills.Funny noises are not funny.I will not snap bras.I will not fake seizures.This punishment is not boring and pointless. My name is not Dr. Death.I will not defame New Orleans.I will not prescribe medication.I will not bury the new kid.I will not teach others to fly.I will not bring sheep to class.A burp is not an answer.Teacher is not a leper.Coffee is not for kids.I will not eat things for money.I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.I will not call the principal "spud head". Goldfish don't bounce.Mud is not one of the 4 food groups. No one is interested in my underpants. I will not sell miracle cures.I will return the seeing-eye dog.I do not have more...
A schoolteacher was trying to teach her six-year old class students how to say the pledge of allegiance to the flag. The schoolteacher said, O. K. children begin by putting your hand over your little heart and repeat with me, I pledge allegiance to the HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Johnny, why is your hand over your butt cheek instead of your heart? Johnny relied! I cant. Teacher asks, why not? Well you see, when my ant comes over to pick me up and pats my bottom and says, BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART!!!!!!