Already Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three men were walking down the road when they saw a bottle. They picked it up and a Genie popped out. He said, "Since there is 3 of you, I will give you one wish each." So the first man, wanting to be clever, wished to be 50% smarter than he already was, and POOF he was. The next guy, wanting to be cleverer than this first guy, wished to be 75% smarter than he already was, and POOF he was. The last guy, thinking he was cleverer than the other two, wished to be 100% smarter than he already was and POOF, he turned into a woman.
Dad, can I ask you something?
Sure! What about?
You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper that I should own one.
And what is this' one' you're referring to?
Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?
No!
My nipples are already prominent and it catches attention.
Nope!
It will be just proper at my age...
I said no way...!
But all of my friends wear...
Timmy! How many times shall I tell you that bras are for girls!?
1. A CAUCASIAN WOMAN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.
2. IRISH WOMAN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
3. ITALIAN WOMAN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
4. JEWISH WOMAN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
5. POLISH WOMAN:
First Date: You more...
DUMB Questions - Part 3
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
Where are the germs that cause good breath?
Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?
Why are all blackboards called more...
Dear Sister, This letter was started by a woman in the hope of bringing relief to other tired and discontented females. Unlike other chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just send a copy to 5 of your friends who are equally tired and discontented, then bundle up your husband/boyfriend. Send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list and add your name to the bottom of the list. When your name comes to the top of the list you will receive 16, 877 men and one of them is bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have. Do not break the chain. One woman broke the chain and got her own bastard back. At this writing a friend of mine has already received 184 men. They buried her yesterday, but it took 3 undertakers 36 hours to wipe the smile off her face and 3 days to get her legs together to close the coffin. Have faith! Liberated woman...
Jake and Saul are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship or personal affection.
One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Saul opens the morning paper and turns to the Obits page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier, was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database, premature and erroneous. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Jake up.
"Jake, you up yet?"
Jake, sleepily, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my coffee."
"Jake. Open the newspaper to page 31."
"Why, what's in the paper?"
"Jake, get the paper and open it to page 31 NOW!"
"Ok, Ok, I've got the paper here, so what's in more...
GENERAL MOTORS INTRODUCES NEW INSTANT-WIN AIRBAGS DETROIT-
With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 1997 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 1997 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobile gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1997, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, more...