Alright Jokes / Recent Jokes

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door."An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins. "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best ground beef. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb."Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. more...

In the old country, it is a custom for women to enter virginal and sexually ignorant into marriages arranged by their parents.
In one particular case, an attractive young maid, from a very poor family was wed to a well-off, but relatively unattractive businessman.
When the wedding night finally came, the couple, at the bride's insistence, stayed in a hotel near her families home. Early in the evening, the harried bride came rushing through the door.
"Mother, Mother!" cried the girl, "He says that we should sleep together!"
"It's alright, girl, married people sleep together. Now go back before he starts to worry about you."
"Oh," said the girl, and returned to her husband who had already begun to disrobe. When she saw his hairy chest, she went running back to her mother.
"Mother, Mother, he is taking off his clothes, and he is covered in hair!"
"It's alright girl, men have hair on their bodies, don't let more...

In the old country, it is a custom for women to enter virginal and sexually ignorant into marriages arranged by their parents.In one particular case, an attractive young maid, from a very poor family was wed to a well-off, but relatively unattractive businessman.When the wedding night finally came, the couple, at the bride's insistence, stayed in a hotel near her families home. Early in the evening, the harried bride came rushing through the door."Mother, Mother!" cried the girl, "He says that we should sleep together!""It's alright, girl, married people sleep together. Now go back before he starts to worry about you.""Oh," said the girl, and returned to her husband who had already begun to disrobe. When she saw his hairy chest, she went running back to her mother."Mother, Mother, he is taking off his clothes, and he is covered in hair!""It's alright girl, men have hair on their bodies, don't let it bother you... Now, get back more...

This story occurred on Melbourne radio last week. One of the FM stations has a competition where they ring someone up, ask them three personal questions, ring their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win an overseas holiday. Last week the competition went like this:
Presenter: Hey its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?
Brian: Yeah, sure.
Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?
Brian: Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.
Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?
Brian: Hmmmmm... about 10 minutes.
Presenter:10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it?
Brian: Ohhhh, I can't say that.
Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!
Brian: O.K.... O.K.... On the kitchen table.
Presenter:(and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?
Brian: Yeah, alright.
Presenter: Hi Sharelle, more...

there was a woman in the ghetto who was pregnant with triplets, so the woman goes into the store one day and gets shot three times one in each womb when she went to the doctor he said they will be alright but will be some side effects one of the girls comes in and says mom i peed a bullet she says its alright i got shot thirteen years ago another girl comes in and says i peed a bullet she says its alright and then the boy comes in and is ballin his eyes out crying and his mom asks did you pee a bullet? he said no i was jackin off and i shot the dog.

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.

"How was work, dear?" his wife asks.
"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks sweetly.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! Alright! Is that alright with you?
Can't I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself...
"Well, I guess it's that time of the month!"

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they came upon this harem with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.
"I am the master of all of these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will each die and in a way corresponding to your profession."
The Sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Alright, shoot his penis off!", said the sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Alright, burn his penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you for a living?" And the third man answered, with a big smile on his face, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"