America Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo,
the keeper finds two finches that have dropped dead from old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelbarrow and moves on to the next cage.When he reaches the primate cage he finds two chimps who have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not" he says as he puts them in the sack with the finches.Later at feeding time, he flips the dead animals in the sack, into the lions' cage."Bloody hell" roars the lion..."Not finch and chimps again!"

Two immigrants arrived in America.
On their first day off the boat in New York City, they spied a hot dog vendor in the street.
"Do they eat dogs in America?" one asked the other.
"I dunno."
"Well, we're going to live here, so we might as well learn to
do as they do."
So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up in wax paper and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench.
One immigrant looked inside his wax paper, then over at the other and asked, "What part did you get?"

This is a true story out of San Francisco, but, of course you're reading it on the Internet so we know how valid THAT statment is...

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.

So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man more...

Why is it that in America:
1. Why is it that you can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance?
2. Why is it that there are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink?
3. Why is it that drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
4. Why is it that people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke?
5. Why is it that banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters?
6. Why is it that we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?
7. Why is it that we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place?
8. Why is it that we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
9. Why is it that we use the word 'politics' to more...

America And Intellegent Were Best Friends. Once A Chief Guest Came In Their School. America Said: When The Chief Guest Will
Come I Will Hide In The Bathroom. Next Day The Chief Guest Came Chief Guest: Who Is Intellegent Here? Intellgent Thinks
Chief Guest Is Calling Him. He Raises His Hand. Chief Guest Says: Tell Me Where Is America? Intellgent Says: Sir America Is
In The Bathroom. Chief Guest Thinks:????????????

In President Bush's State of the Union address he called for greater production of ethanol using America's corn. This, however, is expected to drastically raise the price of corn liquor.






Which has got some folks a might sore

A Geography teacher stands in front of a map of the world. Geography Teacher: Tony, can you tell me where in the world America is placed on this map? Tony shows him America. Geography Teacher: Now, Lisa, can you tell me the name of the guy who discovered America? Lisa: Tony did!!