America Jokes / Recent Jokes
Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Q: How is a flag like Santa Claus?
A: They both hang out at the pole!
Q: What did the patriotic dog do on Flag Day?
A: He flagged his tail!
Teacher: "How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country's flag?"
Student: "I guess they took a flag poll!"
Q: What would you get if you crossed the Stars and Stripes with a cookie?
A: A Flag Newton!
Dad: "Most people don't have to work today, because it's Labor Day."
Son: "If they're not working, shouldn't it be' No-Labor' Day?"
Q: Did you hear the one about Labor Day?
A: It works for me!
Q: Where did Columbus first land in America?
A: On his feet!
Q: Who was the first cat to discover America?
A: Christopher Columpuss!
Q: How was Columbus's ship like an avid shopper?
A: They're both driven by sales!
Q: What would you get if you crossed October 12 with Halloween?
A: Ghoulumbus Day!
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?Must have been a duck familyA duck family?Didn't you say there was a quack in it!
One Day A Teacher Told It's Claas Not To Come To School The Next Day. 2 Children Of The Class Hoshiyar & America Thought That Lets See What Is So Special Tom. That Teacher Is Not Letting Us Come To School. Both Of Them Came To School The Next Day. Hoshiyar Hid In The Classroom And America Hid In The Bathroom. The Principal Came In The Classroom And Said' 'Is Class Main Sabse Zyada Hoshiyar Kaun Hai''. Hoshiyar Came Out And Said Main Hoo. The Principal Said That Ok, Then Tell Me Where Is America? Hoshiyar Said In The Bathroom.
A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.
They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."
The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."
The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady says, "OK, but more...
A boy from France comes to America. He wants to learn some new words so he goes to the airport and learns "take off." Then he learnes "zebra" from the zoo and "baby" from the hospital. Then he goes home and says,' 'Mommy, I learned new words today.'' She says, "Great, honey what did you learn?" He says,' 'Takeoffzebrababy!''
TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday? JACK: 7 years oldTEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday? JACK: 9 years oldTEACHER: That's impossible! JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today. TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is. MIKE: Here it is! TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Mike! !! TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave? STUDENT: Yes sir. TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave? STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours. COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: No. COOL STUDENT: Good' cos I didn't do my homework. TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago. ALFRED: Me! !! TEACHER: Are you chewing gum? BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson. TEACHER: In this box I have a 10-foot snake. STUDENT: You can't fool me teacher! Snakes don't have feet! !! HYGIENE TEACHER: How do you prevent more...