America Jokes / Recent Jokes

I cross ocean, poor and broke. Take bus, see employment folk. Nice man treat me good in there. Say I need to see welfare. Welfare say,' You come no more, We send cash right to your door.' Welfare checks, they make you wealthy, Medicaid it keep you healthy! By and by, I get plenty money, Thanks to you, American dummy. Write to friends in motherland, Tell them' come fast as you can.' They come in turbans and Ford trucks, I buy big house with welfare bucks They come here, we live together, More welfare checks, it gets better! Fourteen families, they moving in, But neighbor's patience wearing thin. Finally, white guy moves away, Now I buy his house, and then I say,' Find more aliens for house to rent.' And in the yard I put a tent. Send for family they just trash, But they, too, draw the welfare cash! Everything is very good, And soon we own the neighborhood. We have hobby it's called breeding, Welfare pay for baby feeding. Kid's need dentist? Wife's need pills? We get free! We got no more...

[Original Author: Richard Lederer, St Paul's School]
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a
student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably
genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through
college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
Camelot. The climate in the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of
the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular
cube. The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were
created from an more...

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
AMDA: "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
AMDA: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*
TEACHER: AMDON, go to the map and find North America.
AMDA: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: AMDON!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*
TEACHER: AMDON, how do you spell "crocodile"?
AMDA: "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
AMDA: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*
TEACHER: AMDON, give me a sentence starting with "I".
AMDA: I is...
TEACHER: No, AMDON. Always say, "I am."
AMDA: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*
TEACHER: "Can more...

A man named Jose went to America to see the Yankees vs. the Red Socks. When he got the ticket, it said nosebleed section. He did not care what section he was in. Anyway, it was game day. Everyone stood for the National Anthem. When Jose got home, he said, "Mama, they made a song in America just for me." "How does it go, mijo?" "It goes Jose can you see!

Once president BUSH went to a school. After have a brief talk with
the children he asked them if they had any questions to ask him.

One boy raised his hand and stood up.

Bush: whats your name

John: john

Bush: whats your question

Johm: sir I have three questions


1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO

2) where is osama

3) why do America support Pakistan so much



Bush: you are an intelligent student john..(just then the bell for
recess rang).

oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.


After the recess

Bush: ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any
question?

Peter raises his hand

Bush: Whats your name?

Peter: sir I have 5 questions.

1) why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO

2) where is more...

A gum-chewing American and a Frenchman are sitting together in a restaurant. The American feel really proud to be an American, so he starts a conversation.
He asks the Frenchman, "When you eat bread, do you eat all of it?"
"Mais oui!, of course!" responds the Frenchman.
"Well," says the American, "we only eat the soft part of it. The rest we collect in containers, take to a factory and put through a mill. What comes out are little breads that we sell in France.
"And what about steaks?" he continues. "Do you eat all parts of them?"
"Bien sur! We do," replies the Frenchman.
"You don`t say!" says the America, grinning. "We don`t! We only eat the meaty part of the steak. The greasy part we collect in containers, take to a factory, put through a mill, and what comes out are little steaks that we sell in France."
Now the Frenchman is really riled. So he asks, "And more...

This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an
employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does
not (have a sense of humor) and made the web department take it down
immediately.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty
registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the
information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and
desires.
[_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified
First Name: _______________ Initial: __ Last Name: _______________
Code Name: __________ Password: ________ (max 8 char)
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ____ ____ ____
Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
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