American Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was the first day of school, and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, was entering the fourth grade.
The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said,' Give me liberty or give me death?'"
She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.
"Now," said the teacher, "who said' Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?'"
Again, there was no response except from Toshiba. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."
As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: "Damned Japanese."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee more...

Long, but pretty good:On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a shipwreck: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred... One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two more...

At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.
American: "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police."
Russian: "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."

By Randy Jeffries/Weekly World News (January 23, 1996)
Bocholt, Germany - A band musician died of a brain injury when the trombonist behind him jerked the slide of his trombone forward and struck the trumpeter in the back of the head!
Police say the tragedy occurred as the Gratzfeld College band was rehearsing the spirited American jazz classic, When the Saints Go Marching In.
According to other band members, trombonist Peter Niemeyer, 19, "got carried away" with the music. He started gyrating and thrashing around as he played.
At one point, he jerked forward and the rounded metal slide on his instrument hit trumpet player Dolph Mohr, 20, dropping him instantly to the floor.
"Niemeyer was pumping the slide very hard," said medical examiner Dr. Max Krause. "But it wasn't just the force of the blow that killed Mohr.
"The slide struck him in the worst possible place - the vulnerable spot just behind and below the left ear. "Bone more...

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while." The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs." The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger more...

' R' for rudeness...

Two arabs move to the US and on the plane over they where figting over who would be more American with in a year so they agreed to meet one year later to see who was mor American. So a year later they met and the first arab says I just ate at McDonalds after watching the Yankee game. The other arab just gave him an angry look and said Fuck You Towel Head.

One day an American General, a Russian General and an Indian General were all going to England in a ship. All of them were very boastful.
AG: "I have the bravest and most courageous crew in the world. See for yourselves. Oy, you!" (he called to an American soldier) "Swim around this moving ship."
The American soldier jumped into the sea without a word, and swam around the moving ship and returned.
AG: See the guts!
RG: "Oh, that's nothing. See this. You, (he called to a Russian soldier) swim 5 rounds around this moving ship!"
The Russian soldier also jumped into the sea and swam 5 times around the moving ship and returned.
RG: "See the guts!"
IG: "Oh, that's nothing compared to MY soldiers. You, (he called to Banta Singh) swim 10 times around this moving ship!"
Banta Singh: "Am I your servant?"
IG: "See the guts!"
AG & RG :....!!!