Angels Jokes / Recent Jokes
God is talking to one of his angels.
He says, " Boy, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."
The angel says, " What are you going to do now?"
God says, " Call it a day."
Three nuns die and go to heaven. St. Peter is waiting for them at the gates of heaven and as they walk up he says "In order for you to get into heaven, you each have to answer one question." The nuns say ok and the first nun walks up.
St. Peter says "Who was the first man on Earth?"
The nun thinks for a little bit and finally says "that's easy, Adam." Bells ring, angels sing, doors fly open, nun walks in.
The second nun walks up and St. Peter says "Who was the first woman on Earth?"
The nun thinks for a little bit and says "That's easy, Eve." Bells ring, angels sing, doors fly open, nun walks in.
The third nun walks up and St. Peter says "Ok, what were the last words Eve said to Adam before Adam left the Garden of Eden?"
The nun, not having the slightest idea, thought for a long time and finally said "Boy, that's a hard one..."
Bells ring, more...
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
Q: If Santa doesn't have to age, then why has he become old?
A: He only appears to be old. He's an undercover kid.
Q: How can a sleigh possibly fly through the air?
A: If you were being pulled by eight flying reindeer, wouldn't you fly too?
Q: Why do we wish people a "Merry Christmas" instead of a "Happy Christmas"?
A: The two are about the same, but with "Merry Christmas" an extra twinkle is seen in the eyes.
Q: Why is a Christmas tree that has been chopped down called a "live Christmas tree?"
A: It's dead but doesn't know it, and yet it's having the time of its life.
Q: Why do we wrap our Christmas gifts with paper?
A: Because we like to see surprise and joy (real or kindly faked) in the recipients.
Q: How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?
A: Nowadays, only four angels can dance there. Formerly there was no limit, but OSHA passed the Angel Safety Law recently, which also requires more...
A man wanted to buy his wife a unique birthday present. So one day, he went into a pet store looking for a parrot. The salesperson showed the man to a very beautiful parrot.
''It's beautiful!'' cried the man, ''Does he do any tricks?''
''Yes he does,'' answered the salesman. ''If you put a lighted match under his right foot, the bird will sing 'Jingle Bells.' And if you put a lighted match under the birds left foot, he will sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'''
''Amazing!'' exclaimed the man, and he bought the parrot immediately. That night, the man showed his wife the parrot that he'd bought.
''Oh, what a gorgeous bird! Does it know know any tricks?'' asked the wife. The man smiled and said, ''Watch this.'' Then he lit a match and put it under the birds right foot. Sure enough, the parrot began to sing 'Jingle Bells.' Then he put the match under the bird's left foot, and it began to sing 'Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.'
''That's incredible! Does he do anything more...
God was in the process of creating the universe.
And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance.
For every 10 deer there should be a lion.
Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....
And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes....
And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance."
One of the angels asked... "God, what is this beautiful country here?"
God said "Aha... that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation.
It has understanding and more...
God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates...
'Everything should be in balance. For every 10 deer there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States. I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes... And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.'
One of the angels asked... 'God, what is this beautiful country here?'
God said 'Aha...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains. A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live. more...