Anniversary Jokes / Recent Jokes

The wealthy couple were celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary. Their three grown sons joined them for dinner. The old man was rather irritated when he discovered that none of the boys had bothered to bring a gift, and after the meal, he drew them aside.

'You're all grown men,' he said,' and old enough to hear this. Your mother and I have never been legally married.'

'What?' gasped one of the sons.' Do you mean to say we're all bastards?'

'Yes,' snapped the old man, closing the trap,' and cheap ones, too!'

A couple celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. When they were asked what their secret was to a long lasting marriage they said:
"We take the time to go out to a restaurant two times a week. A candlelight dinner, soft music and a slow walk home. She goes on Tuesdays, and I go on Fridays."

Joe asks his wife, Karen, what she wants for their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Karen. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says Joe. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well, what would you like for your anniversary?" Joe asks. "Joe, I`d like a divorce," answers Karen. "Sorry, I wasn`t planning to spend that much," says Joe.

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.

Top Ten Things NOT To Say On Your Anniversary
10. Today is our what?
9. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time we had sex this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.
8. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.
7. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
6. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
5. I thought we only celebrated important events?
4. Having sex doesn't count as a gift?
3. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.
2. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about sex.
1. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

Top Ten Things NOT To Say On Your Anniversary10. Today is our what? 9. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time we had sex this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.8. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.7. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together? 6. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.5. I thought we only celebrated important events? 4. Having sex doesn't count as a gift? 3. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.2. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about sex.1. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

A man and his wife were at the breakfast table when he suddenly remembered that it was their 50th Anniversary." Guess what, darling," he said, "Fifty years ago today you and I were wed." "And we ate our first honeymoon breakfast at this very table," she said." We were naked as jaybirds, remember?" he blushed. "Oh yes," she giggled,' Why don't we take off our clothes right now?" "All right." They stripped to the buff and stared at one another across the table." Oooh, darling," she said, "My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago." "No wonder," he said, "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"