Announce Jokes / Recent Jokes
Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator
1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) Meow occasionally.
6) Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) Say "Ding" at each floor.
8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) Try to make more...
Office work dull?...
None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?...
Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative execution
ONE-POINT GAGS Run one lap around the office at top speed Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time) When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye" To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!" Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way" more...
Office work dull?...None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?...Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative executionONE-POINT GAGS Run one lap around the office at top speed Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time) When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye" To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!" Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way" Walk sideways to more...
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!'
6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King...
9....but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're 'astronaut food'.
10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from 'Dianetics.'
11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a more...
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream' MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!' 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles. 7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable. 8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King.. 9.. . but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're' astronaut food'. 10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from' Dianetics.' 11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I. 12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say,' You mean you really can't more...
Q: How many USENETers does it take to screw in a ligth bulb?
A. None. They are so busy hogging up bandwidth taking out their postadolescent frustrations on each other, that they never get around to it!
Q: How many rec. humor. funny readers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50. They all stand out in the hall while Maddi comes out every once in a while and looks at all the light bulbs people have brought. Finally she selects a few. They're all quite feeble and burn out after a few minutes, so she comes out for more. But she selects more dim bulbs, which causes great discontent among the people who have brought really bright, long-lasting bulbs.
Q: How many rec. humour posters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 31. One to change the lightbulb and thirty to flame them for picking the wrong wattage. No, better make that 32. .. Captain Nitpick will want to point out that the newsgroup is rec. humor (US spelling) *not* rec. more...
31. Inform your English class that they need to know FORTRAN and
code all their essays. Deliver a lecture on output format statements.
32. Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers
McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question,
walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
33. Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
34. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular
intervals.
35. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the
teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
36. Have a grad student in a black beret pluck at a bass while you lecture.
37. Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
38. Give an opening monologue. Take two minute "commercial breaks" every ten
minutes.
39. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams more...