Announce Jokes / Recent Jokes
After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for
attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the
last day to drop.
Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear
you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them
your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
Smartypants?"
Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses
with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering
"tsk, tsk".
Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or more...
42. Wear A LOT of putrid smelling cologne or perfume.43. Spill that same cologne or perfume on their book.44. Put down your book, then say, "Hey, ya wanna trade?"45. Bring a recording of very obnoxious music, and hide it in a bag. Turn it up full blast, and accuse them of having it. Keep accusing them, then get the librarian to come. When they find it in your bag, yell, "IT WAS PLANTED ON ME I TELL YOU!!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! IT'S A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY! ALIENS BEAMED IT INTO MY BAG!!! IT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T LET THEM DO EXPERIMENTS ON ME!!"46. Without looking away from your book, say to no one in particular, "I know what you did last summer."47. Bring a piece of bread, and drop pieces of it down the little hole in the center of the table meant for cords.48. While reading your book, start humming a single note until you're out of breath, then collapse on the floor. Then get back up, and continue reading like nothing happened.49. Start singing "This is more...
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. Sell Girl Scout cookies. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. Shave. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. One word: more...
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol more...
50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator 1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. 3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. 5. Sell Girl Scout cookies. 6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. 7. Shave. 8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" 9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. 10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. 12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"13. Greet everyone getting on the more...
Office work dull?... None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?
Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You
can award yourself extra points for creative execution.
ONE-POINT GAGS
Run one lap around the office at top speed
Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other' no Player' must be in the bathroom at the time)
Ignore the first five people who say' good morning' to you.
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way"
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding an elevator, gasp more...
Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to another more...