Announce Jokes / Recent Jokes

Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of thedivorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month." To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mightykind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
Shave.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm more...

One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were. When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse". As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane" and so on as each guest arrived. Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe." Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department The doorman asked "How shall I announce you?" The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation""I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering." "O. K." said the professor. "Just say I came in my pants"

'I'm very sad to announce this morning, girls, that Miss Jones has decided to retire,' said the principal at morning assembly.' Now we will all stand and sing this morning's hymn....now Thank We All Our God.'

1. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
2. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.
3. Tell students that you'll fail them if they cheat on exams or "fake the funk".
4. Announce that you need to deliver two lectures that day, and deliver them in rapid-fire auctioneer style.
5. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk".
6. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
7. Sneeze on students in the front row and wipe your nose on your tie.
8. After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
9. After turning on the overhead more...

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!' 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles. 7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable. 8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King.. 9. ..but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're 'astronaut food'. 10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from 'Dianetics.' 11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I. 12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, 'You mean you really can't more...

Software Development Process1) Order the T-shirts for the Development team2) Announce availability3) Write the code4) Write the manual5) Hire a Product Manager6) Spec the software (writing the specs after the code helps to ensure that the software meets the specifications)7) Ship8) Test (the customers are a big help here)9) Identify bugs as potential enhancements10) Announce the upgrade program