Announced Jokes / Recent Jokes
One year at Hallowe'en the governor of Illinois was giving a costume party.
All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce
what there characters were.
When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse."
As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane."
...and so on as each guest arrived.
Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but
apart from that totally naked from head to toe.
"Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that
the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department,
the doorman asked, "How shall I announce you?"
The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation."
"I'm very sorry sir" said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce
anything like that to such a gathering."
"O.K." said the professor. "Just say I more...
A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."
The salesman thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10, 000, 000 had been deposited. "But your rival has just received $20, 000, 000," the genie said.
"I've always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last wish?"
"Well," said the salesman, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."
Microsoft Corp today announced that they would purchase the source the
PenPoint operating system for the value of one of Bill Gates eye-lashes
(est. value $1.3 million). Gates was quoted as saying "we are only doing
what the consumer has asked us to do: ship huge, bloated, bug-ridden
programs while using every trick in the book to kill our competitors. As an
example of our progress, consider Windows CE which paints the screen slower
on a 75 MHz MIPS RISC processor than the 16 MHz 68000 in the Palm Pilot,
while sucking the batteries dry in a tenth of the time."
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Delhi to Kolkata, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left. ”
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry. We can fly just fine on two engines. ”
An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry. We still have one engine left. ”
A young Sardar passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day! ”
Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird? The spread eagle.
Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
- the Spread Eagle.
Toyota announced that it is developing a car that shuts down if the driver is drunk. Immediately, rival Ford announced that "Ford drivers do not need to be drunk for their cars to shut down."